Rape is the only crime on the books for which arguing that the temptation to commit it was too clear and obvious to resist is treated as a defence. For every other crime, we call that a confession.
I’ve gotten more angry asks about this post than I have actual reblogs.
I literally put my coffee down, stared at the screen and said “Holy shit…”
this is still my favorite post ever
what the fuck is wrong with ths bird why does it have sexy legs for strutting
well you can tell by the way i use my walk that im a womans man no time to hawk
I really like Jupiter’s design.
omg jupiter is a kawaii papa
Uranus is extremely surly from all the butt jokes everyone is making about him
My god I want to be Io
my favorite is pluto
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
what do you do at hogwarts if you start your period?
like do you go and see madam promfrey? or your head of year? because i’m just trying to imagine the slytherin girls going snape and asking for tampons
I do not have the power within me to not reblog this.
Oh it’s back!!
do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.
However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena.
See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena.
He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me.
So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does.
Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:
Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit.
The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.”
And it stayed.
Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.
DING DING HELLO YES READ THIS
SO way back in the renaissance as much as people were learning science and shit and making great improvements in learning how to make people look like real people in art, there was still this big obsession with idealizing the figure. Everyone did it.
Like really. Everyone.
And so even though Michelangelo made everyone look like a big buff dude that wasn’t always because he just had a special love for drawing dicks,
The female form wasn’t considered perfect back then. If you were a goddess or something maybe yeah they might make you look like a lady but Michelangelo wasn’t really into the female form
(Despite how fuckin PHENOMENAL his Pieta is)
So when he painted and sculpted women to look more like men it was partially to show off his skill in the masculine form but also it elevated those figures to a higher level of appreciation. Women were still seen as like Eve, especially in the church. So even though they don’t look like women he’s still giving them the same status as a man to make them “better.”
I love how everyone universally hates Umbridge
Head Automatica / Beating Hearts Baby
Baby is this love for real?
Let me in your arms to feel
The beating of your heart, baby
The beating of your heart, baby.
BEATING HEARTS BABYYYYY
Seriously, did anyone have more fun making the Harry Potter movies than Kenneth Branagh?
I’m sorry but this is one of those pictures I *have* to reblog whenever it appears on my dash.
WAIT WAIT WAIT IS THIS THE GUY WHO DIRECTED AND ACTED IN HAMLET? THE PERSON IN THE HAMLET FILM THAT I’VE BEEN WATCHING IN CLASS?
Yes this is the guy!
And he also directed Thor
gilderoy lockhart directed thor?
he also played miguel in Road to El Dorado
he literally did every shakespeare play and made the movie, playing the lead
or did he just wipe the directors minds and put his name in the credits?
I take exception to the majority of the casting decision in the HP movies, but there literally could not have been a more perfect choice for Lockhart.
OR DID HE JUST WIPE THE DIRECTORS MINDS AND PUT HIS NAME IN THE CREDITS